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First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…the baby question
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This is an archival story that predates current editorial management.

This archival content was originally written for and published on KPCC.org. Keep in mind that links and images may no longer work — and references may be outdated.

Aug 31, 2012
Listen 16:57
First comes love, then comes marriage, then comes…the baby question
New brides and grooms have faced it for generations, now it’s grooms and grooms (or brides and brides) who have to put on a cheery face in response to the query “When are you planning to have children?”
Spanish couple Mauro and Juan Carlos play with their new baby girls.
Spanish couple Mauro and Juan Carlos play with their new baby girls.
(
STRDEL/AFP/Getty Images
)

New brides and grooms have faced it for generations, now it’s grooms and grooms (or brides and brides) who have to put on a cheery face in response to the query “When are you planning to have children?”

With marriage equality comes “invasive personal question” equality. New brides and grooms have faced it for generations, now it’s grooms and grooms (or brides and brides) who have to put on a cheery face in response to the query “When are you planning to have children?”

It’s a thoroughly modern dilemma; committed same-sex couples of past generations could hardly hope to start a family together. For most, it was never an option. Now, adoption and surrogacy have made gay parenting nearly as mainstream as gay marriage – and thus, the ubiquitous question. Family and friends may mean well, but it’s far from a casual decision.

And the same issues faced by heterosexual couples apply. One spouse may not see themselves as a parent, while the other longs to fill the nest and puree organic baby food. Financial worries and career plans may complicate the issue. And what about the changes a child can bring to a relationship?

Nevertheless, more and more gay couples are feeling the pressure from parents who want grandchildren and couple-friends who can’t wait to bond over toilet training.

Are you in a same-sex marriage, yet ambivalent about parenting? Are you thinking of starting a family – sometime – and fed up with the questioning? How do you and your partner handle what might seem like over-attention to your procreation plans?

Credits
Host, AirTalk
Host, All Things Considered, AirTalk Friday
Senior Producer, AirTalk & FilmWeek
Producer, AirTalk with Larry Mantle
Producer, AirTalk with Larry Mantle
Associate Producer, AirTalk with Larry Mantle
Apprentice News Clerk, AirTalk
Apprentice News Clerk, FilmWeek